42 Funny Political Quotes

Baltazar 22 July 2017 Facebook Facebook Google Pinterest

We all love funny political quotes! Nobody likes politicians, though. Even politicians don't like politicians. But we all love to laugh at them. As Will Rogers would say it, it used to be that we laughed at comedians and listened to politicians, but now is the other way around.

I must confess that I'm no fan of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. Funny political quotes, on the other hand, I can never get enough of. If you don't find them funny, well, you're probably running for President.

I've put together the funniest political quotes that make me laugh. If you have even better ones, let me know in the comments.

 

 

1. Well I don't think we should go to the moon. I think we maybe should send some politicians up there. - Ron Paul

Funny political quotes - Well I don't think we should go to the moon. I think we maybe should send some politicians up there. - Ron Paul

 

2. If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H. L. Mencken

Funny political quotes - If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H. L. Mencken

 

3. A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow next week next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. - Winston Churchill

Funny political quotes - A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow next week next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. - Winston Churchill

 

4. I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself. - Ronald Reagan

Funny political quotes - I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself. - Ronald Reagan

 

5. Reader suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

Funny political quotes - Reader suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

 

6. Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process. - John F. Kennedy

Funny political quotes - Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process. - John F. Kennedy

 

7. It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job, it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S. Truman

Funny political quotes - It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job, it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S. Truman

 

8. He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

Funny political quotes - He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

 

9. The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians. - Andy Rooney

Funny political quotes - The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians. - Andy Rooney

 

10. If churches want to play the game of politics let them pay admission like everyone else - George Carlin

Funny political quotes - If churches want to play the game of politics let them pay admission like everyone else - George Carlin

 

11. One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.- Ronald Reagan

Funny political quotes - One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.- Ronald Reagan

 

12. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. - Douglas Adams

Funny political quotes - Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. - Douglas Adams

 

13. Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers

Funny political quotes - Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers

 

14. The question is why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing on national television that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste? - Dave Barry

Funny political quotes - The question is why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing on national television that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste? - Dave Barry

 

15. Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation. - Will Rogers

Funny political quotes - Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation. - Will Rogers

 

16. Any man who wants to be president is either an egomaniac or crazy. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Funny political quotes - Any man who wants to be president is either an egomaniac or crazy. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

 

17. Alliance - in international politics the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. - Ambrose Bierce

Funny political quotes - Alliance - in international politics the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. - Ambrose Bierce

 

18. I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. - Will Rogers

Funny political quotes - I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. - Will Rogers

 

19. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. - Ronald Reagan

Funny political quotes - The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. - Ronald Reagan

 

20. There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers

Funny political quotes - There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers

 

21. A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. - H. L. Mencken

Funny political quotes - A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. - H. L. Mencken

 

 

Are you tired yet? Maybe you should take a break and come later for some more laughs.

I would never do that, though. As I already said, one can never get enough of funny political quotes! Read on, my friends, read on.

 

22. Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - Mark Twain

Funny political quotes - Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - Mark Twain

 

23. Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people. - Richard M. Nixon

Funny political quotes - Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people. - Richard M. Nixon

 

24. All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. - Groucho Marx

Funny political quotes - All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. - Groucho Marx

 

25. Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal

Funny political quotes - Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. - Gore Vidal

 

26. A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H. L. Mencken

Funny political quotes - A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H. L. Mencken

 

27. I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress. - Ronald Reagan

Funny political quotes - I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress. - Ronald Reagan

 

28. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx

Funny political quotes - Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx

 

29. Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

Funny political quotes - Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

 

30. If you want to study the social and political history of modern nations study hell. - Thomas Merton

Funny political quotes - If you want to study the social and political history of modern nations study hell. - Thomas Merton

 

31. We have the best government that money can buy. - Mark Twain

Funny political quotes - We have the best government that money can buy. - Mark Twain

 

32. I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. - Steve Martin

Funny political quotes - I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. - Steve Martin

 

33. I wouldn't trust Nixon from here to that phone. - Barry Goldwater

Funny political quotes - I wouldn't trust Nixon from here to that phone. - Barry Goldwater

 

34. A politician is a man who understands government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead for 15 years. - Harry S. Truman

Funny political quotes - A politician is a man who understands government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead for 15 years. - Harry S. Truman

 

35. The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time and I doubt that anybody would notice. - Dave Barry

Funny political quotes - The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time and I doubt that anybody would notice. - Dave Barry

 

36. It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan

Funny political quotes - It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan

 

37. We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. - George Carlin

Funny political quotes - We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. - George Carlin

 

38. Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

Funny political quotes - Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

 

39. When buying and selling are controlled by legislation the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. - P. J. O'Rourke

Funny political quotes - When buying and selling are controlled by legislation the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. - P. J. O'Rourke

 

40. You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. - Harry S. Truman

Funny political quotes - You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. - Harry S. Truman

 

41. I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here. - Harry S. Truman

Funny political quotes - I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here. - Harry S. Truman

 

42. To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. - Humbert H. Humphrey

Funny political quotes - To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. - Humbert H. Humphrey

 

 

If you like this quote collection of funny political quotes, be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Google+, or subscribe to our YouTube channel.

You may also like some of our other Quotes Collections:

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- Game of Thrones Quotes Collection - for true GoT fans

 

Or you can check more Political quotes and Funny quotes here on HoopoeQuotes.

Stay well, my friends!

Baltazar

"Making something out of nothing will make you go far, but going too far will make you Baltazar."

Read more about Baltazar on his profile page.

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1 comment

  • Comment Link Keslarka22 July 2017 posted by Keslarka

    Very funny collection, I enjoyed it a lot! Keep up the good work! :)

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