Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer. Bierce is best known for his "howlingly funny" book The Devil's Dictionary, which was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration.

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Read more about Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia.

Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Consul - in American politics a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

It is evident that skepticism while it makes no actual change in man always makes him feel better.

Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house and plans a draft of your money.

Sweater n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Belladonna n.: In Italian a beautiful lady, in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Present n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious excusable justifiable and praiseworthy.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

Positive adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.

Clairvoyant n.: A person commonly a woman who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely that he is a blockhead.

Genealogy n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

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