Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer. Bierce is best known for his "howlingly funny" book The Devil's Dictionary, which was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration.
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Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
It is evident that skepticism while it makes no actual change in man always makes him feel better.
Sweater n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Present n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.
Positive adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
Clairvoyant n.: A person commonly a woman who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely that he is a blockhead.