Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer. Bierce is best known for his "howlingly funny" book The Devil's Dictionary, which was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration.

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Read more about Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

Admiration n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.

Cynic n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

Anoint v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.

Ardor n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Famous adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

Rum n. Generically fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges advocates and jurors.

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