Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer. Bierce is best known for his "howlingly funny" book The Devil's Dictionary, which was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration.
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To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
Anoint v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges advocates and jurors.