Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer. Bierce is best known for his "howlingly funny" book The Devil's Dictionary, which was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration.
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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest as a worm to a toad a toad to a snake a snake to a pig a pig to a man and a man to a worm.
Battle n. A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
Egotism n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London.
Learning n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Who never doubted never half believed. Where doubt is there truth is - it is her shadow.