Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer. Bierce is best known for his "howlingly funny" book The Devil's Dictionary, which was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration.

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Read more about Ambrose Bierce on Wikipedia.

Academe n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.

Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

Land: A part of the earth's surface considered as property. The theory that land is property, subject to private ownership and control, is the foundation of modern society and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.

Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

Debt n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

Men become civilized not in proportion to their willingness to believe but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.

Politeness n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

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