Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American Civil War soldier, wit, and writer. Bierce is best known for his "howlingly funny" book The Devil's Dictionary, which was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration.
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Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
Marriage n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master a mistress and two slaves making in all two.
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves and good fortune to others.
Ambidextrous adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
Painting n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.