Dave Barry

Dave Barry

David McAlister "Dave" Barry (born July 3, 1947) is a Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels.

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Read more about Dave Barry on Wikipedia.

Because of the level of my chess game I was able - even against a weak opponent such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster.

To an adolescent there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearney today. She definitely carried Bishop Kearney today.

Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.

Harvard University, according to the directory of the American Society of Colleges and Universities, is a "type of weevil."

Most married couples even though they love each other very much in theory tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies the result of being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting.

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling of the dark of lobsters of falling on lobsters in the dark or speaking before a Rotary Club and of the words "Some Assembly Required

He'd tried to strike up a conversation with her.

To enter Europe you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.

Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard the Internet does not operate at the speed of light, it operates at the speed of the DMV.

Today of course it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures.

Washington is nicknamed "The Evergreen State" because it sounds better than "The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State."

I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard which is why he never used it.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will give you this look that says `My God you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

We idolized the Beatles except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones who in those days still had many of their original teeth.

Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.

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