Dave Barry

Dave Barry

David McAlister "Dave" Barry (born July 3, 1947) is a Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels.

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Congress after years of stalling finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tentative agreements...

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics, this is how we stay objective.

Congress shall also create a tax code weighing more than the combined poundage of the largest member of the House and the largest member of the Senate, plus a standard musk ox.

In 1765 Parliament passed the Stamp Act which as any American high school student can tell you was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.

Once again we come to the Holiday Season a deeply religious time that each of us observes in his own way by going to the mall of his choice.

If in reading the following pages you are uncertain as to whether a specific statement is meant seriously or not simply apply this rule of thumb: If the statement makes you consider filing a lawsuit I was kidding.

The Sixties are now considered a historical period just like the Roman Empire.

one of South Florida's most vital natural resources a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurricane of hypocrisy hokum and hype.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire water gravel and vinyl.

There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: "passive" systems collect the sunlight that hits your home and "active" systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes too.

The question is why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing on national television that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them although sometimes you have to hunt around.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy overweight Protestants today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."

I care about our young people and I wish them great success because they are our Hope for the Future and some day when my generation retires they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security

Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England - is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.

A gene can be either dominant or recessive depending on which type of gene it is.

Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

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