David McAlister "Dave" Barry (born July 3, 1947) is a Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels.
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We had three pairs of women's underwear on stage after our show in Seattle. Of course they were on the large side ...
In the past decade or so the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that _men_ know how to fix things when in fact all they know how to do is _look_ at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner which they learned in Wood Shop, eventually when enough things in the home are broken they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home.
There are many silly superstitions about lightning and as a result many people - maybe even you - are terrified of it. You shouldn't worry. Thanks to modern science we now know that lightning is nothing more than huge chunks of electricity that can come out of the sky anytime anywhere and kill you.
The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later.
The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
In fact just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West- the Grand Canyon the Badlands the Goodlands the Mediocrelands the Rocky Mountains and Robert Redford- were caused by erosion.
The Ford Falcon holds the proud title of Slowest Car Ever Built. In certain areas of the country you can go to a stoplight and find Falcon drivers who pressed down on their accelerators in 1963 and are still waiting for their cars to move.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.