Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

Joan Alexandra Molinsky (June 8, 1933 – September 4, 2014), widely known as Joan Rivers, was an American comedian, actress, writer, voice actress, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—alternatingly self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians.

Enjoy the best Joan Rivers picture quotes.

Read more about Joan Rivers on Wikipedia.

I have no methods, all I do is accept people as they are.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over He would have put diamonds on the floor.

A man can sleep around no questions asked but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I think I'm in a business where you have to look good and it's totally youth-oriented.

Every television show you go on is a choice.

I was a Brownie Scout mother.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house and she said 'Get the hell off my property.'

Diets like clothes should be tailored to you.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way I'd visit him every day.

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

I just love acting.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

I've had so much plastic surgery when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy very secluded but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over he would have put diamonds on the floor.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it that's acting.

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