I would go out with women my age but there are no women my age.

Author: George Burns

Also found in:

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she's shopping.

Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.