It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

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Explore More Quotes by George Burns

Happiness is having a large loving caring close-knit family in another city.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

First you forget names then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally yo

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

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    The beginning of wisdom, as they say. When you're seventeen you know everything. When you're twenty-seven if you still know everything you're still seventeen.

    The beginning of wisdom, as they say. When you're seventeen you know everything. When you're twenty-seven, if you still know everything, you're still seventeen.

    I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

    I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

    You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

    You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

    We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

    We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

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