Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Author: George Burns

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast!

You’re never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child.

Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.