Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.

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Explore More Quotes by George Carlin

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat b

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.

If you think there's a solution you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution you're part of the problem.

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.

Some people see things that are and ask Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask Wh

Some people see things that are and ask "Why?" Some people dream of things that never were and ask "Why not?" Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...

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    Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

    Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

    The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

    The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

    To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle.

    To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle. 

    Every girl who has dated a football player, they all have sex the same way.

    Every girl who has dated a football player, they all have sex the same way.

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