Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

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Explore More Quotes by George Carlin

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat b

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.

If you think there's a solution you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution you're part of the problem.

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.

Some people see things that are and ask Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask Wh

Some people see things that are and ask "Why?" Some people dream of things that never were and ask "Why not?" Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...

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    For the born traveller, travelling is a besetting vice. Like other vices, it is imperious, demanding its victim’s time, money, energy and the sacrifice of comfort.

    For the born traveller, travelling is a besetting vice. Like other vices, it is imperious, demanding its victim’s time, money, energy and the sacrifice of comfort.

    Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.

    Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.

    Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

    Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

    I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

    I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

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