I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent as written in our contract.

Author: Groucho Marx

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Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast!

You’re never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child.

Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.