My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

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Explore More Quotes by Henny Youngman

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

You can't buy love but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love but you can pay heavily for it.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a wee

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays I go Fridays.

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    I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

    I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

    You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

    You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

    We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

    We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

    Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

    Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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