Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and you can

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

Author: Joan Rivers

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Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery today is God's gift that's why we call it the present.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

Never floss with a stranger.

Bizarre travel plans are dancing lessons from God.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”

God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want.