Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Author: Andy Rooney

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The biggest seller is cookbooks, and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

A writer's job is to tell the truth.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business, because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.

Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.