Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won't be too bad.

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.