I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

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I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

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In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.

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