I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all of one’s lifetime.

We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.