My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No but I want a regular banana later so... Mitch Hedberg Quotes
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My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No but I want a regular banana later so... yeah.'

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

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    Jesus Christ knew he was God. So wake up and find out eventually who you really are. In our culture, of course, they’ll say you’re crazy and you’re blasphemous, and they’ll either put you in jail or in a nut house (which is pretty much the same thing

    Jesus Christ knew he was God. So wake up and find out eventually who you really are. In our culture, of course, they’ll say you’re crazy and you’re blasphemous, and they’ll either put you in jail or in a nut house (which is pretty much the same thing). However if you wake up in India and tell your friends and relations, ‘My goodness, I’ve just discovered that I’m God,’ they’ll laugh and say, ‘Oh, congratulations, at last you found out.

    Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

    Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

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