Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy all day. Wearing a backpack and a Mitch Hedberg Quotes
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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

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