Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.

Author: Orson Welles

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My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.

Did you ever stop to think why cops are always famous for being dumb? Simple. Because they don't have to be anything else.

I have a great love and respect for religion, great love and respect for atheism. What I hate is agnosticism, people who do not choose.

The body is a source of endless trouble to us by reason of the mere requirement of food.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.