Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

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Explore More Quotes by Phyllis Diller

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter h

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

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    Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me.

    Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me.

    You did the best that you knew how. Now that you know better, you’ll do better.

    You did the best that you knew how. Now that you know better, you’ll do better.

    I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

    I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

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