I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Author: Phyllis Diller

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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.

Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

The last thing I'd learn well into my career was how to get on how to say hello how to get in with the audience.

Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle.