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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Explore More Quotes by Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.
Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all.
My mother always called me an ugly weed so I never was aware of anything until I was older. Plain girls should have someone telling them they are beautiful. Sometimes this works miracles.
I remember all too well the premiere of Ecstasy when I watched my bare bottom bounce across the screen and my mother and father sat there in shock.
