My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.

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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.

Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all of one’s lifetime.

We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.

It's impossible to protect your kids against disappointment in life.

There is no such thing in life as normal.