This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

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Explore More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

What a dog I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog, I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'

With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'll never see each other!

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    When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.

    When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.

    'You are drunk Sir Winston you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes Mrs. Braddock I am drunk. But you Mrs.

    'You are drunk, Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.' - Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock, are ugly and disgustingly fat. But tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill, will be sober.

    I may be drunk Miss but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

    I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be ugly.

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