When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

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Explore More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

What a dog I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog, I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'

With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'll never see each other!

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    A father may turn his back on his child brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies husbands

    A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all.

    My mother always called me an ugly weed so I never was aware of anything until I was older. Plain g

    My mother always called me an ugly weed so I never was aware of anything until I was older. Plain girls should have someone telling them they are beautiful. Sometimes this works miracles.

    I remember all too well the premiere of Ecstasy when I watched my bare bottom bounce across the scr

    I remember all too well the premiere of Ecstasy when I watched my bare bottom bounce across the screen and my mother and father sat there in shock.

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