Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Author: Steven Wright

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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

I love to travel, but hate to arrive.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.