I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Author: Steven Wright

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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

He who would travel happily must travel light.

Others may know pleasure, but pleasure is not happiness. It has no more importance than a shadow following a man.

Money is numbers and numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end.

Just because you are happy it does not mean that the day is perfect, but that you have looked beyond its imperfections.