My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

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Explore More Quotes by Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on the headlights do

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Related Quotes to Explore

    Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends.

    Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends. 

    What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.

    What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.

    Jesus Christ knew he was God. So wake up and find out eventually who you really are. In our culture, of course, they’ll say you’re crazy and you’re blasphemous, and they’ll either put you in jail or in a nut house (which is pretty much the same thing

    Jesus Christ knew he was God. So wake up and find out eventually who you really are. In our culture, of course, they’ll say you’re crazy and you’re blasphemous, and they’ll either put you in jail or in a nut house (which is pretty much the same thing). However if you wake up in India and tell your friends and relations, ‘My goodness, I’ve just discovered that I’m God,’ they’ll laugh and say, ‘Oh, congratulations, at last you found out.

    Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

    Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

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