When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No I made a few mi Steven Wright Quotes
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

Steven Wright

Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsense jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.

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Latest from Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on the headlights do

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