I got in a fight one time with a really big guy and he said "I'm going to mop the floor with your f Emo Philips Quotes
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy and he said "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said "You'll be sorry." He said "Oh yeah? Why?" I said "Well you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

Emo Philips

Emo Philips (February 7, 1956) is an American comedian. Much of his stand-up comedy makes use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice. The confused, childlike delivery of his material produces the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant.

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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no I take that back.
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky but there's never any gum under any of
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

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