I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

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Explore More Quotes by Emo Philips

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no I take that back.

You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky but there's never any gum under any of

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky but there's never any gum under any of them.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

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