You know at parties people always ask 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well I don't have an

You know at parties people always ask 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well I don't have an alibi!

Author: Emo Philips

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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky but there's never any gum under any of them.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history.

Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

People don’t take trips, trips take people.