I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

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Explore More Quotes by Erma Bombeck

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

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    A father may turn his back on his child brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies husbands

    A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all.

    My mother always called me an ugly weed so I never was aware of anything until I was older. Plain g

    My mother always called me an ugly weed so I never was aware of anything until I was older. Plain girls should have someone telling them they are beautiful. Sometimes this works miracles.

    I remember all too well the premiere of Ecstasy when I watched my bare bottom bounce across the scr

    I remember all too well the premiere of Ecstasy when I watched my bare bottom bounce across the screen and my mother and father sat there in shock.

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