All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are in fact barely presentable.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Author: Fran Lebowitz

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Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Bizarre travel plans are dancing lessons from God.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

It's impossible to protect your kids against disappointment in life.