If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.

And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born it compels humility: what we began is now its own.

The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The parents age must be remembered both for joy and anxiety.

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.

She was a blessing. She was an angel. She was my baby.

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

I think if I'm 40 and I don't have any kids and I'm not married I would have a baby artificially inseminated. I would feel like Mary - like Jesus is my baby.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

It'd be stupid for me to sit here and say that there aren't kids who look up to me, but my responsibility is not to them. I'm not a baby sitter.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

There was no way in hell I was going to jeopardize my baby for my show.

It is well for us that we are born babies in intellect. Could we understand half what mothers say and do to their infants, we should be filled with a conceit of our own importance which would render us insupportable through life.

My next baby will be my new record.