Funny Quotes

Best Funny sayings - browse and share beautiful high-quality funny picture quotes, jokes and aphorisms.

For a moment nothing happened. Then after a second or so nothing continued to happen.

True friends stab you in the front.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Without a god life is only a matter of opinion.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Before I speak I have something important to say.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Mark Twain
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