Funny Quotes

Best Funny sayings - browse and share beautiful high-quality funny picture quotes, jokes and aphorisms.

George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

Man who open door for girlfriend reveal one thing... either car is new or girlfriend is.

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.

Robert A. Heinlein

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very", your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it - and sometimes three.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemingway

Acting is the most minor of gifts. After all, Shirley Temple could do it when she was four.

Exaggeration is truth that has lost its temper.

What a dog, I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.

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