Funny Quotes

Best Funny sayings - browse and share beautiful high-quality funny picture quotes, jokes and aphorisms.

It's a funny thing about life, if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.

Pay attention don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.

Florida's number three industry behind tourism and skin cancer is voter fraud

His study was a total mess like the results of an explosion in a public library.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

When at last we are sure, You've been properly pilled, Then a few paper forms, Must be properly filled. So that you and your heirs, May be properly billed.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

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