Funny Quotes

Best Funny sayings - browse and share beautiful high-quality funny picture quotes, jokes and aphorisms.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like 'See if you can blow this out.'

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store but that's just peanuts to space.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter.

Reader suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Every man loves two women; the one is the creation of his imagination and the other is not yet born.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

You can't blame gravity for falling in love.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Facts are stubborn but statistics are more pliable.

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

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