You should be proud of your age. This year you are wiser, smarter and very close to reaping the benefits of senior discounts.

You better hope to God that Santa doesn't see your browser history. Merry Christmas!

Let's give each other the gift of not having to exchange gifts. Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa, before I explain... How much do you know already?

Just wanted to send you early holiday wishes in case I freeze to death this weekend. Merry Christmas!

Wrap your Christmas gift well. If you wrap your friend's Christmas gift in a paper bearing 'Happy Birthday', just add 'To Jesus'.

Santa saw your Instagram pictures, so you're getting clothes and the Bible for the Christmas.

I'm dreaming of a White Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red. Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa, I've been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I'll buy my own stuff.

Hope spending time with your family for the holidays does not undo all the progress you've made with your therapist. Merry Christmas!

Sending paperless Christmas cards is a great way to feel better about the murdered tree in your living room. Merry Christmas!

I want to have your children and lie to them about Santa. Merry Christmas!

All I want for Christmas is... You. Just kidding. Give me diamonds.

All I want for Christmas is to be loved by you. Still, you better get me something.

The holidays are my favorite time to be embarrassed by my family in person, rather than on Facebook. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I feel better knowing Santa will also be unemployed after Christmas.

A good Christmas gift is the landlord forgoing the December rent so that you can find more money to drink and make merry. Have fun and enjoy this Christmas!

We hope our Christmas card alerted you to how much better our family is doing than yours. Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa, all I want is a fat bank account and a skinny body. Please don't mix it up again like last year!

Happy holidays to my Facebook friends who haven't posted anything about the holidays on Facebook.

If Christmas love and peace were snowflakes, I will offer you a blizzard. Merry Christmas.

As you celebrate the miracle of this special season, may your heart be filled with joy and peace. May these holiday blessings linger in your home and stay with you throughout the year.

Hope your Christmas is as warm and sweet as a cup of hot cocoa and filled with more granted wishes than you can count.

Let's not get each other gifts unless you already got me one. Merry Christmas!