P. J. O'Rourke

You may be surprised to discover you're rich especially if you're broke.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Satire doesn't effect change.

I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer.

The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken.

Nobody likes insurance companies especially health insurance companies.

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history.

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Anyway no drug not even alcohol causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles we shouldn't test people for drugs we should test them for stupidity ignorance greed and love of power.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.

Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free.

I'm really tired of virtue.

People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.