Wilson Mizner

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

I've spent several years in Hollywood and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Don't talk about yourself, it will be done when you leave.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere but after a while he knows something.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

All anger is not sinful because some degree of it and on some occasions is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation and when it continues long.

The first hundred years are the hardest.

A slave has but one master. An ambition man has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

Art is science made clear.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

In the battle of existence Talent is the punch, Tact is the clever footwork.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

Life's a tough proposition and the first hundred years are the hardest.