It's good to be here. At 98 it's good to be anywhere.

Author: George Burns

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance.

Good night and sweet dreams, my love!

Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.