I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Author: George Burns

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle.

Every girl who has dated a football player, they all have sex the same way.